Dear John

What seemed so close was delusory.
You get back from time away to one of those emails you don't want to receive. A kiss-off note from Date Girl.
After all the talking and all the laughter, just another kick in the gut.
Oh well, it never would have lasted, she made spelling mistakes and her syntax was clumsy.

Don't Even Think Of Asking About The Toilets

“Hey, so how was your holiday in Guatemala?”
“Very good, thanks. It’s a fascinating country. The indigenous Maya people built vast cities around 2,000 years ago before falling into decline as first drought and then the Spanish conquistadors devastated their population. After independence, a succession of wars and CIA backed right-wing military dictatorships decimated the country even more, yet the Maya still survive to this day and have managed to keep their rich culture and traditions intact.”
“Oh, wow… Really… So, was it sunny?”

My Bad For Going Somewhere Different

"Hey, I hear you're off on holiday, where are you going?"
"Guatemala," I said.
"Oh, wow... Guatemala... That's like central or south America, right?"
"Yeah, somewhere there," I said.
"Great... Great... So what is there to see there?"
"I don't know."
"Oh... So why... ?"
"Why what?" I said.
"Why Guatemala?"
"Why not?"

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

“Why don’t you write something funny?” she said.
“Nothing funny has happened to me recently,” I replied.
“Enough with the doom and gloom, I demand you write something funny.” She was giving me a hard time. I've known her a long time so I let her.
"Something funny like what?" I asked.
"I don't know, just something funny..."
We sat there, nursing our coffees, and both tried to think of something funny.
The Richard Gere and gerbil joke popped into my head but I don't think it's what she meant.